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   Episode One,  Poor Tiny Japan

    I discovered these written in a nice little journal my sister had given me 
 before I came.  I vaguely remember having promised myself to write in it 
 regularly for posterity's sake, and just in case I decided to start a web page.  
 That was apparently before my will to live was sucked dry.  I was a little 
 impressed by my command of the English language.  That too, has since been 
 sucked dry.  But then, my judgment would have gone with that, so I could be
 wrong.  I think I must have wrote this in the first month or two I was here, 
 in an apparent fit of homesickness.  I found it somewhat amusing.  I wish now 
 I had written more.  I bet you'll feel the same way after reading it.  
 I barely remember writing it, so I take no real responsibility for the content.


   About 90% of the world's resources are devoted to feeding about 10% of 
 the population (America).  Consider the implications of this, we are forcing 
 the entire nation of Japan to live in tiny perpetuity.  

  Everything here is adorably adequate.  The toilet is just big enough for one 
 person, (the toilet room, that is), the fridge is just the right size and the 
 food portions are just enough to fill you for a couple hours, if you eat everything 
 on your plate.  This gives you just enough time be appreciably starving right 
 before your next meal.

  Consider all that the Japanese are missing out on because of their perfectly 
 adequate diets: High cholesterol, diabetes, that wonderful feeling of the oxygen 
 being sucked out of your lungs as you try to climb a flight of stairs.  

  Seriously, I think they would be much less stressed if they were just occasionally 
 able to gorge themselves.  Who could worry much about anything after eating a 
 large, greasy, seratonin laden meal? The kind that gives you that warm fuzzy feeling 
 inside, when your digestive system, unable to handle the load, simply shuts down.  
 When you have no choice but to unbutton your pants and cry freedom for your 
 swollen paunch, and you swear to yourself you will not eat for three days.  
 Or at least until the next meal.

   An entire nation of people are missing out on the sublime joy of sitting paralyzed 
 on the couch, watching bass fishing because they're too lazy to reach the remote 
 on their lap.  I am sure, if given a choice, any Japanese man would love the chance 
 to stuff himself,  then sit on the couch, pants unbuckled and ask his wife to grab 
 him a beer and change the channel for him, whereupon his wife would tell him lovingly
 to get his fat ass up and do it himself.  But, sadly, Japanese men cannot enjoy 
 such earthly pleasures, but instead must take pride in their tiny families and 
 their tiny houses, enjoying long hot baths, a delectable bite of sushi, and the 
 occasional romp in a love hotel.  And all while American families get to spend their 
 quality time getting 6 dollars worth out of an all-you-can-eat buffet at the Sizzler. 
 (Have some more dessert kids!)

   I once saw a man at a buffet who was so fat he had to support himself on the 
 buffet bar while he piled his plate up.  All this while people here must eat things
 like 'sea-pineapples' and 'fishcake'.

   I had hoped McDonald's might be my last vestige of gluttony.  Alas, I was foiled 
 again. Instead of my usual 2 cheeseburger and a giant fry and coke, I was reduced 
 to a 'double cheeseburger set' (with a small fry and coke) for about 20$.  I swear 
 the cheeseburger was even smaller, and it was about 90% beef, not that sweet crack 
 addictive soy/beef mix.  I asked about super sizing but the girl told me I was fat, 
 and then made fun of me with her friends.  I told her I could understand Japanese and 
 popped her in the nose.  (Well, not really.  I didn't even ask, and if she had made 
 fun of me I would not have understood.)  I am still unfulfilled in my quest for an 
 oversized free soda refill meal that will last me more than 4 hours.

@                                                                                    Episode One and a Half O




  Hey! What time is it in Japan?

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